Published On: Sat, Aug 25th, 2012

Spare a thought

SO SAD to hear about Gary Barlow and his wife Dawn and the stillbirth of Poppy. There are some beautiful, and tear provoking poems, messages and stories being shared on the Take That facebook page and elsewhere I am sure. Whatever you feeling about the band, I don’t think anyone would wish this kind of tragedy on them.
Sadly this kind of event can bring all sorts of reactions in those around the family involved. Some find it very difficult to talk about; some might think they should be grateful they have 3 beautiful children already so getting over it should be easier. Words must be carefully chosen, but often however carefully spoken, it can the most innocent incident that sparks a painful memory or reaction.
Many years ago some friends lost their little boy on his due date. I will never forget seeing her bent over his grave the following Mothers day sobbing as we drove past. I took her some flowers later that day and her lovely husband was struggling with her grief, he hoped she would have moved forward a little. But we put so much emphasis on the ‘first’ don’t we. The first birthday, first Christmas, first tooth and so on. This was her first Mothers day and she had no child to hug, no card to open.
Miscarriage and stillbirth is hard to deal with, it’s that snatched away promise of so much. I am glad that the Barlow family have so many kind words and clearly so much affection around them and I hope it helps ease the pain a little. There are many families that don’t have this, or never speak of the loss, but the anniversaries and lost ‘firsts’ are still there and always will be.

Clare Szurek, Mother of 3 and owner of mocha-mama the unique cafe in Kettering for expectant and new parents.

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